Stepping Into The Light
Depression: Is the journey more than a disease? Is it opening a door to a spiritual path? (I awoke this morning at 3 am full of energy.) It is the Full Moon. It is time to let go of any past thoughts and patterns that no longer serve.
I go downstairs to get in my one hour of cardio while watching TedX. I come across a few videos that inspired me to write.
Life is fascinating. It always leads you to where you think you need to go. Sometimes you may not even realize where you are going because your subconscious thoughts are driving. Past actions are taking the lead because you, as a powerful be-ing, are not.
I only write these words based on my own truths. My own subconscious driver had taken me along a winding road filled with speed bumps and reckless Autobahns. Meanwhile, I had no idea that I had switched the autopilot on and had decided to pass on the responsibility of life to my subconscious.
Focus and desire is not something that resonated with me as I matured and became a “so called adult”. I wanted to have fun and ride the high.
We can only ride through life without focus and self empowerment for so long. Something will come out of the ether to throw us off this path…IF our soul truly deeply wants change. How did this happen? You can call it depression or perhaps spiritual awakening, or perhaps both. I would refer to mine as the dis-ease of my soul taking me to the depths of despair only to open the door on the other side.
A light at the end of this tunnel for this moment in time. What got me through this low energy state? Anti-depressants. They were my elixer that kept me going. I am extremely grateful that they helped me when I could not help myself.
On the flip side, I had moments of so called “mystical” intervention during this phase. All I can say is that, as someone who had no interest in any sort of “spiritual” practice, I was slowly morphing into another image of myself.
During this confusing time in life, I was guided in directions of ancient healings and meeting so called “light workers.” All these people and experiences healed parts of my soul and awakened a new found part of myself that I never knew existed. Meanwhile, my ego was still running rampant in my thoughts. It felt like a childhood game of tug of war.
As time went on, I started to understand some of my learning in this lifetime and what I needed to work on. It all came down to Values. I knew deep down the differences between right and wrong, but somehow couldn’t control my actions. Some things simply do not boil down to coincidence. There is always a reason why things happen in life. What you think about, you become. What you think about, you will experience.
Thoughts lead this complex but fascinating movie of life. I started experiencing some pretty mind blowing happenings and started having conversations with others that borders on the line of insanity. I love times where I meet others and our souls just connect. The feeling that is produced can be compared to the feeling of having an oxytocin high.
So to conclude, I believe that while we are in charge of our own lives, there is also an underlying force that plays a role. My tumultuous journey through depression was to open the door to start walking a spiritual path. We are all different which makes us unique. This world needs Warriors as well as light workers. They balance each other out. My journey so far has left me open to new possibilities. Sometimes I am open to them, but sometimes I am not, and that is OK. As long as I keep moving along my path with open arms, I trust that I will end up where I need to be.