Change Holds The Answers You Seek
Do you resist change or do you embrace new opportunities with faith? Perhaps the answer depends on whether you are initiating the actual change (“I’m going to the gym four days a week”) or it shows up unexpectedly: “I just lost my job, now what?” If you’ll stay open to the idea that God will guide you, you’ll be led to discoveries, gifts and perhaps a divine destiny you could never have conceived on your own.
I had just turned 40 years old when I discovered I was pregnant. “What?! How did THAT happen? Well, I know how it happened, but I’m past my child bearing years and besides, my doctor told me I could never get pregnant!” To say I was completely shocked was an understatement. My life didn’t exactly seem like the right fit for a child. My long-term relationship had recently ended. I no longer had a home to call my own. I was in the midst of a move across the country with a lot of challenges. Getting pregnant was the last thing I anticipated. But as I tried to wrap my mind around this news, my heart was already flourishing with new hope about becoming a mother. And then all the seemingly chaotic details of my life set in.
“How would I take care of the baby? Would I even be a good mother? Could I give my child a better life than I had growing up? Would anyone help me? And what about medical care?” I prayed desperately to God for direction. I knew that this change didn’t make sense on paper but I felt that my child was a divine blessing.
So I chose to move forward with faith although the odds seemed against me. I had no health insurance and needed to find affordable care for a healthy pregnancy and delivery.
I had very limited income at the time but put my pride aside and decided I would go to the health department to see if there were any options for me. I wasn’t sure God could really hear my prayers about this so I began talking to my grandparents in heaven the night before; I know how crazy that sounds! They had been the sole reason I’d survived a very difficult and painful upbringing…and it was my hope they were watching over me.
The next day I went down to the health department to complete the application in person. As I drove around the parking lot looking for a spot, I could feel my anxiety rising. I parked a distance away to gather my thoughts and try to calm my nerves. As I got closer to the building, what I saw made me burst into tears. The name on the building read ‘The McLennan Building’! ‘McLennan’ is my grandparents’ last name! This was an unmistakable sign I was not in this alone. I took a deep breath and walked inside. And yes…after an intense interview, my application was accepted. I breathed a sigh of relief for the first time in weeks.
From that moment on, I began to have more faith that my prayers and intentions were being heard. It was just up to me to discern the divine guidance I was receiving and to take action. I felt that God (and my grandparents) were with me; from the intuitive nudge I felt to demand an emergency C-section that saved my baby’s life to the undeniable presence of a divine voice I heard while rocking my baby for the first time. I knew deep in my soul that this ‘change’ was divinely ordained.
When my child was old enough to string sentences together – she began to remind me of this truth. Isabella was only 3 years old when one day she looked directly into my eyes and said ‘I picked you Mommy. I picked you to be my Mommy when I was still with God. He lets us do that.” To this day, (she is now 8) she astounds me with her random truths and wisdom of the heavenly realms.
“God is love.” “God cares about you.” And my favorite, “Don’t worry Mommy, God is working on it.”
There is something reassuring in her messages. They have helped me to become more receptive to ‘change’ – and to trust in God’s love for me. I’ve come to believe that resistance to change is often our own fear of the unknown and feeling separated from our divine source.
I’m inspired by the words of Rumi: “Try not to resist the changes that come your way. Instead let life live through you. And do not worry that your life is turning upside down. How do you know that the side you are used to is better than the one to come?”