Positively handling oneself, maintaining balance & power all while in the midst of negativity…is indeed a tall order for most people. To help, we are inundated with an abundance of articles, books, and workshops that promote tips and tricks that may or may not work. It is my experience that there are no such things as tips about dealing with negativity, only truths as to the real reasons why we experience them the way we do. So perhaps the real question is why do we experience negativity in our world in the first place?
It seems that, for the most part, we tend to respond to these kinds of difficult or negative situations with some sort of “Fight or Flight” reaction. These reactions vary, but they all are “RE-ACTIONS”, not real ACTION! Notice the key word here is: Re-Acting. This in of itself is very telling of how a pattern may be playing out in our world over and over again. React really means to act the same way again, or to repeat the same action. This is unconscious, leaving most people feeling powerless to change their reactions to negativity. How many times have we caught ourselves acting the same way around negative people or saying the same thing in response; wishing we had done or said something differently, but didn’t? This is because we are not taking true conscious action, but are in an unconscious re-active pattern.
Maintaining balance is a valued ability. It can make all the difference in the world of thriving, success, happiness and personal power. In a way, this ability is the holy grail of self-control and authoritative power. We strive to be the “hypothetical” Steven Segal of conscious awareness and presence of mind; to easily deflect every mental or emotional strike with the grace and power of Aikido and to redirect negativity back onto itself with little or no effort. Instead of hurting someone with their negativity, our goal is to help them heal it, healing ourselves in the process. Instead of having the ultimate comeback or perfect sarcastic words to deflate or deflect negative behavior, how cool would it be to have the perfect words of wisdom or love that might be effective or even transform the entire situation with ease? Well, we can dream, yes?! What keeps us from this preferred behavior? The reality is, we often get caught in the headlights of someone’s irrational anger or hostility and end up not knowing what to do or say. Many of us either freeze up, over react, or retaliate. Some people just run away only having to face it again some other day in another person.
So, what is the alternative you ask? How about this… To love whatever it is that shows up in your face (especially if it’s uncomfortable) and just LOVE it! Actually allow it to get bigger! Why? Because resistance to what shows up in life is truly futile! Resistance will only make it bigger and stronger. What if the experience itself is a purposefully designed scenario with the sole purpose of waking you up to a greater truth about yourself? What if the negativity in others around you is there to help you see something negative about yourself; a truth you have been avoiding or denying?
Here’s the paradoxical truth: dealing with negativity in our outer world (from others) means we are, in some important way, avoiding dealing our own inner world of negativity. Hearing this may disappoint those who were looking for a quick tip or fix that would somehow help us deal with outer energies coming into our inner life. This message isn’t about helping deal with what we just don’t like or are trying to avoid. If that’s all you are looking for, you are quite possibly missing the point: that life is about experiencing and under- standing the Paradox. If this is news to you, then let me take this moment to greet you. “Welcome to your personal paradox!” We’ve all seen the Yin & Yang symbol; it represents balance, and for us balance is the paradox. The paradox is tricky to understand because it represents the truth by showing us the lie. And, because we are only shown the lie throughout life, it becomes difficult to see through to the truth. The message we see in our face dominates our mind. The dichotomy it represents challenges and confuses most into only seeing the face value of all people, circumstances, and events. The paradox forces those who recognize its existence into either seeing the truth or suffering in the lie.
THE PARADOX IS TRICKY TO UNDERSTAND BECAUSE IT REPRESENTS THE TRUTH BY SHOWING US THE LIE.
What most new age ideologies dance around but rarely discuss are the tough but essential requirements to awaken into our true power. First on that list is to embrace the dark sides within ourselves. Those who advocate focusing only on the positive, sunny side of the street, avoiding people who upset them or push their buttons, are missing the point. Put these types of people into a corner, make them uncomfortable and have to face something dark and they’ll show you something different than their happy go lucky side. The self they are trying so desperately to hide will come up. Everyone is either trying to look good or avoid looking bad, some more than others. Very few people welcome the darkness of our consciousness and our paradoxical nature. But, to understand our true balance requires acknowledging the darkness within ourselves.
We each have only one true power in life; that power is the ability to choose. We choose where our attention goes, or we allow others to distract us and tell us where to put our attention. Failing to consciously choose where our attention goes is the greatest mistake we can make in resolving our own personal paradox. This mistake dis-empowers us from seeing who we all really are to one another in the “BIG Picture” of what we all came here to help one another remember. It’s easy to get lost on the merry-go-round of life, become dizzy and end up living by default reacting to external stimuli and our base instincts. If we live by default and forget to choose we experience a greater deal of depravation, refusal, betrayal, abandonment, criticism, rejection, helplessness, and various forms of self-hatred or criticism. These dark sides of the paradox inflict the psyche of a developing mind and become a form of trauma that becomes suppressed. The inception of these ideas become unconsciously held beliefs or true statements to the self and turn into a type of unconscious magnetism, attracting external examples over and over again.
This is the only REAL reason we are faced with negativity from our outer world. Experiencing negativity every once in a while is to be expected, it’s how we develop our strengths. The paradox is necessary for us to train our spirit, heart, and mind to evolve into the truth of our being. The paradox humbles us to handle our lives with personal responsibility and authority. It moves us out of a state of victimization into our state of authorship. Those who embrace the paradoxical nature of life are set apart from those who easily get thrown off balance from life’s challenges and confusing mysteries.
This personal paradox exists within us all. Some experience its effect in greater degrees than others. The more distracted an individual gets by feelings of injustice involving any person, circumstance, place or thing, the more they are kept from seeing their own inner pattern. The more one collects injustices, staying in the conversation about them, the more distracted they are by the paradoxical illusion. This draws aggression from the outer world to mirror the inner aggression or inner passivity felt by that individual.
THE PARADOX IS NECESSARY FOR US TO TRAIN OUR SPIRIT, HEART, AND MIND TO EVOLVE INTO THE TRUTH OF OUR BEING.
Listen, no one that I know got a handbook or owner’s manual on life when we came into this wild and weird world. We live in a world of opposites, each vying for our attention to categorize as either good- bad, right-wrong, black-white, etc. This can be very confusing and distracting. The idea that in order to fully experience peace and balance, we must first fully experience tension and disorientation is a real mind bender. Yet when we understand that our world is paradoxical in nature (IN ALL WAYS) it makes complete sense. In fact, understanding the concept alone and accepting it as true begins a balancing process unto itself. Conscious awareness of any truth that aligns with a spiritual principle of our true nature and being is a heartwarming experience. It is healing.
As we all come to an apex in these changing times we are being forced to face our paradoxical nature. Look at how many examples you can find in Religions, Politics, Governments, Education, and Laws etc. We have a worldwide paradox epidemic. But, this paradox points us toward our personal and global development as a species. Negativity shows up, because positivity is pushing up from below it. War forces us to choose peace. Anger pushes us to feel love. Illness urges us towards health. Being put out of balance causes an equal and opposite action to restore balance. Lies exist only to reveal the truth.
We are here to learn through, with, and from the paradox. It is our human nature to be and act in opposition to what we feel and desire on the inner. It is how we came into being. Light can only be defined by the darkness. Without darkness there can be no light. A frame of reference is needed to contrast any state of existence.
EXISTENCE is paradoxical;paradox
EXISTENCE is its very core.
Existence is paradoxical; paradox. Existence is its very core. It exists through opposites. It is a balance in the opposites. And one who learns how to balance becomes capable of knowing what life is, what existence is, what God is. The secret key to balance can only be found in embracing the paradox.
By accepting our paradoxical nature and realizing the inner conflicts we all are in because of our denial of this fact, we can begin to open ourselves to a new hope; a new possibility. Our attachments to pain and suffering will end once we realize the nature of our outer world is merely a reflection of our inner world. Changing the world is an inside job, and it starts with you taking responsibility for 100% of what you say, feel, experience, and think. Realize that all creation we manifest is out of our choice. We are either choosing consciously or unconsciously. Or worse, letting others choose for us. Each choice can create suffering, or pleasure. The only question is which one are you saying yes to, and which one are you saying no to?
Your answer can be verified by what you feel the most. If you are often frustrated, feel victimized, blame others, attract negativity, or have a sense of injustice in the world, then you now have your answer as to WHY that occurs for you. Now you can choose to be with it differently; to appreciate the paradox. Start to embrace people who act differently than they speak, who do things differently than what they say. You now can see their own personal paradox, the life lessons they came here to learn, the challenge and stress their training is here to give them. They are here dealing with a specific paradox to help them discover and develop a “strength” in the exact opposite direction from their “weakness”.