How many times have you been unable to make a decision because you kept arguing with yourself? Let’s say you want to buy a new car. You have good reasons. Your current one is a few years old, still in half-way decent shape, but it’s going to need some work soon. The interior is a little drab, and it has some dents and dings in it, and besides, you’re ready for a change. And you can afford it. Getting a new car seems like a good decision, but then you start feeling resistance to the idea. So you start justifying not getting a new car. After all, your current car is fine. It gets you from point A to point B. It’s been pretty dependable. It’s comfortable and it will be paid off soon. Now you find yourself conflicted. Part of you wants to buy a new car. Part of you doesn’t want to buy a new car. And both parts have good reasons for their side of the argument.
How do you find your balance and feel confident enough to make a decision?
This kind of internal conflict happens often, even over little things and not just when it comes to whether or not you should make a major purchase like a car. You may have difficulty committing to what color to paint the living room or where to place the sofa. So what do you do when you start thinking about life changing events like moving to a new place to live, or looking for a new job or changing careers, or with relationships? What do you do when part of you wants to end a relationship and part of you wants to stay in the relationship? How do you find your balance and feel confident enough to make a decision?
First of all, understand that we all have these conflicting parts, and each of your parts thinks they are right, from their point of view, that is. You may find that on really important subjects you have more than two parts that have opposing interests. But regardless of the number of parts involved in a behavior, each part is trying to do their best and has a job to do for you. Now, to be clear, I’m not talking about split personalities, but rather sub-personalities. We all have these sub-personalities. All of us. They can be seemingly simple conflicts, from the part that wants to get up early and the part that wants to sleep in, to apparently more life changing conflicts like the part that wants to buy that new car and the part that doesn’t.
Support or self-sabotage?
In Hypnotherapy, there is a Protocol for alleviating these kinds of internal conflicts. It’s called Parts Therapy. We use hypnosis to by-pass the critical factor and get in touch with these parts and to find out what they are all about. We uncover each parts’ motivation and what it is that they do and how. This can be very interesting because many times a parts’ behavior can seem like self-sabotage, but once we find out why the part is acting the way it is, generally it thinks it is supporting you, keeping you safe or protecting you in some way. We educate the part and let it know that what it is doing is not really helping any longer. Its’ behavior did help us in the past, or we wouldn’t have created the part, but now we give the part a new role and supportive responsibilities based on your current goal. In other words, we get all the parts aligned so that you have teamwork instead of a tug-of-war.
To go back to the idea of buying a new car, you may find that the part that doesn’t want to buy the car is fearful and worried over making higher payments so it keeps tripping you up so you don’t go shopping for your new ride. It reminds you of the last time you over-extended yourself and how hard things were and how you struggled. Or it makes you feel like you’re being selfish and guilty for wanting a new car instead of just being happy with the car you have.
And maybe those are valid points that were not being considered. Sometimes we find that the part that seems to be holding you back is really the more aware and reasonable part.
Our parts can be extremely creative in the way they do their jobs, but in the end, we must remember that we created them, and now it is time to get them to be aligned with our current goals. Once your parts are focused on your goal and working together, you are more balanced. With each part having a positive supportive role aligned with your goal, you can move ahead confidently and with a better understanding of yourself.