Going Within to Find Happiness
Healing doesn’t involve putting a happy façade over an open wound. Healing involves digging deeply into the pain from the past which still lives inside us. “Quit feeling sorry for yourself. You’re an adult now.”We wish we were but there is an unhealed Child inside every one of us and we can’t pretend there isn’t. Not if we want true happiness.
Happiness is rooted in our core. The roots grow from the very essence of our being. It’s not an appropriate manner or an acceptable appearance and it isn’t based on Adult achievement. It’s grounded in self-knowledge and self-acceptance.
Self-knowledge isn’t pretty. It’s standing in our truth and our vulnerability and not hiding. Self-knowledge requires that we look at those parts of ourselves we won’t show anyone else—the pettiness, the jealousy, the immaturity, the self-indulgence. This inner exploration requires unyielding truth telling. Comfort is not relevant. The only thing that counts is knowing and admitting what is and saying “Yes, I own that.”
The days when we hoped to skate by looking good are gone forever. Now it isn’t about impressing anyone. The watchword of the day is integrity and integrity is all that matters. Integrity is wholeness. Integrity demands that we heal the hate between our Punitive Parent and our Rebellious Teenager. We can’t pretend we don’t have these layers to us. We’ve had too much experience to settle for two-dimensional living.
And so we choose to climb into the muck inside us because we’re desperate to get back to our core. We won’t tolerate half measures any more. No matter how painful it is inside and how totally undefended we feel, we must be true to ourselves. We must get beneath the pretending and the game playing. We don’t care who knows that we aren’t “together.” All that’s important is living from our own depths and being true to ourselves.
And so we do. We cry and we shout and we own our immaturity. Our Caring Parent holds our Hurting Child. And after days and weeks and months we heal. It’s a complete healing based on our very own, very personal foundation. We move into our own truth and live our own life in our own way. And from that integrity comes happiness.